I have spent my whole life looking for my place in the world, somewhere that felt like what I imagined home would feel like, a place where I would feel welcome, relaxed and my breath relaxed and easy. I never knew such a place as a child, having been brought up in a home filled with multi-generational trauma numbed by alcohol. When I was young, I had a habit of running the other way when I saw my mother’s car heading towards home after a day’s work. Anywhere was better and safer than home. By the time I entered the world as a young adult, I had no clear sense of who I was or what I needed and I prioritized the needs of others over my own. I didn’t know how to discern what was true for me.

A heartbreaking loss helped me to see just how broken I was. I spent countless hours in therapists’ offices and on cushions in Buddhist and Yoga meditation centers looking for peace. I searched on mountain tops, in caves, and under pyramids for clarity, for answers, and for freedom from the shackles of my past that kept me bound to the same recurring themes and patterns in my life. While doing hospice work, I discovered the vastness of the human heart and the power of love. Despite my decades long search, a constant and very subtle fear, anxiety and dread lurked around every corner of my life. A feeling of being at home in the world and in myself still eluded me.

Then, I discovered the path home through my body and the energy that it holds. My body became the portal for accessing the wounds that kept me bound to fear, anxiety and dread. With the help of skillful teachers and guides, I was able to connect with the youngest parts of myself that had every reason to feel afraid. By applying the skills I acquired from decades of practice, I was able to hold, love, heal, and reclaim these parts. I learned effective skills and strategies for returning to presence in the midst of my daily life. I learned how to use my body to know what was true for me.

How is life now? My body feels like home to me and I feel a deep abiding stillness and peace that is within me, that is me. I no longer live with the constant hum of fear, anxiety or dread. I have managed to liberate myself from some of the habits of my past and the armoring that held me bound. Joy is now a frequent companion on my journey.

But I know the anguish of feeling stuck, of living with constant but subtle fear, anxiety, and dread. It took me decades to find what was right in front of me all along. Some say that what we are looking for is closer to us than our very breath. I wonder if that is what makes it so elusive. I know now that it can be found, and my calling is to guide those who also want to find their way home to themselves and to the peace and stillness within them. This is why I am so passionate about sharing what I have learned with you, to be of service to you, and to see you thriving in your life.

For the director’s cut of this story, click here.